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A lonely night
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘a lonely night’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
A lonely night
Couldn’t sleep tonight
Took out my camcorder
Popped in the tape
And let the images
Glide on the LCD screen
A middle aged man
With an AiNong cap on
Walking by
One arm swinging
The other lost in the war
A not-so-old woman
Carrying a basket on her back
Presumably to the market
How far she had to walk
I don’t know
A good looking girl
Riding on a bike stopped by
To talk to her ex-teacher
Before taking off to where she came from
Groups of boys
Were sitting on the wooden bench
Some standing
All clapped their hands
Singing songs one after another
From the tape
I could hear myself
Ask a silly question
If the could perform a Lam
In a village populated by not LaoLum
On the side road
Lining up as far as I could see
Kids waving a memorable goodbye
To us to me
A visitor from another world
They may or may not have heard of before
An old woman sitting on the open house
Looked at our passing car
Spinning its way out of the muddy road
Leaving behind nothing but
A taste of life
Likely out of their reach
With images rolling by
Sometimes with the voice of the kids
Adding drama to the already poignant pictures
I couldn’t help wondering
Are these the same pictures
My fellow Lao seeing?
Or is it just a trick of an electronic device
Distorting truth
Spinning out lies
Like this lonely night
This country
This people
Will be with me
With you
For a long time to come
10.3.03
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That smile
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘that smile’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
That smile
There she stood
Waiting for her dad’s car to stop
And pick her up
From the private school she attended
With a lovely smile on her face
I saw something reflected in that smile
It was from another girl of the same age
Separated by distance and status
And maybe many things more
Remember
When I first saw that girl
I was struck by the sight
What an innocence she looked
What a smile she commanded
Dressed in a ragged clothes
With no shoes on
And a thatched house in the background
She put forth a smile
For her little sister
Or maybe her young friend
Though not quite caught
Her full smile
Hiding behind her skinny hand
I saw hope where
There was none existed before
Or it was just a child hope
Once facing a harsh reality of life
Would be smashed into hundreds of pieces
I don’t know
The little girl in front smiled at me
Bright and shinning
What could you expect?
Her parents were both doctors
And on the way up
She could be anything she wanted
Only the sky was the limit
That little girl instead
Had nothing but herself to stand on
How far could she go?
What future may lie ahead of her?
May that smile add wings to her frail body
Fortifying her spirit
For the time ahead will be rough
She will need all the luck in the world
Two girls two destinies
One hope
Do we care?
Tell me
10.3.03 |
D-Day
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘D-Day’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
D-Day
Not sure
Where I was at that fateful day
But somewhere on the street of Vientiane
Like something struck me in the head
The news of the abolition of the monarchy
And the proclamation of the new regime
Was hard to swallow
Out of nowhere
The number one man was not
The much beloved Chao Souphanouvong
But someone we hardly knew about
Like a skilled magician
Performing a trick on the credulous audience
The new regime took our trust
Spinning it out of shape
And stood back laughing at what we became
Walking on the street of Vientiane again
I cried at our innocence
At the many lives vegetating at the detention camp
At our hope cruelly dashed
And for nothing
No one knows
Why we stayed behind
Why didn’t we leave the country?
Is that hard to figure out?
Oh we are
But the leftover
Nobody cares
Slowly
My legs moved on
To where I didn’t know
Kaisone was no more
Chao Souphanouvong was but a tragic past
Where are we going now?
Would another D-Day make a difference?
If so
Who could follow them this time?
Like a boat badly damaged
Not sure if I can take it again
Oh Muang Lao
What fate took you
What a big hole in our hearts
D-Day D-Day
10.1.03
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My last wish
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘my last wish’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
My last wish
If you ever go to Muang Lao
For the first time in the long time
Or for the first time in your life
As this is your parent’s wish
To get you in touch with your root
Go there
With my spirit
See her through my eyes
Sad devastating eyes
Don’t settle with what meet your eyes
With what pleases your soul
Go beyond that
Touch it with your heart
And feel it with your gut
Muang Lao that you come to see
To be with
Lies in every shrunken line of the old face
In every broken limbs of the Buddha statues
And in every hole of the kids’ ragged clothes
Be ready
To trek to every corner of the land
To be swept in the natural beauty of the country
And to breathe in the sources of strength and wisdom
Handing down throughout the ages
So when you come back
You could truly say
I really go to Muang Lao
Be with her
And bring her with you
As if you never left
That’s you
That’s me
That’s Muang Lao
We are but one indestructible whole
10.3.03 |
Temple boy
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘temple boy’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
Temple boy
Not far from the old Lycee
In fact in front
Stood Wat ThatPhun
Where one of my classmates
Was a SangKalie Wat
Couldn’t say
I knew him that well
Or how he managed to live
With the food left from the monks’ bowls
The fact that
He made a long trek from Pakse
To study in Vientiane
Testified to his strong will
For a better life
For a better future
Maybe
Because he was a temple boy
Having no place to cover his head
But the temple
He buried himself in books
While many of us
Privileged as we were
Wasted away time fooling around
And for nothing
Not sure
How his study helped him in the new Laos
For he was bypassed
Not being in the elite youth group
A chance to study abroad
Or even at the most coveted medical school
Was beyond his reach
Thinking back
I couldn’t help but
Imploring the path our country had taken
What a waste of talent
What a way to stall many promising young lives
Getting nipped even before
Having a chance to fly
Interesting to say
One of its downtrodden
Ignored by the new regime
Professing to represent the likes of his
What a sham indeed
Walking by the dwelling
He used to live
Seeing new SangKalie Wat at his place
Here it goes
Another young life
Waiting to be shocked
Out of the youthful innocence
9.29.03
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Gone - the seed for the future
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘gone – a seed for the future’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
Gone – a seed for the future
No sooner
I reached the place
Where they burnt the corpses
Another memory was triggered in
A young man
Came down from SamNeua/Xiengkhouang
To work at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Anxious to learn everything
He was my good student
Studying English
My version of Lao history
So on and so forth
Yes once in a while
We ran across someone
So nice so lovable
We didn’t care what side of the fence
He was from
Then like anything good at Muang Lao
His life was cut short
When the big truck he rode on
Smashed into the tree
Taking his life with it
When informed of the news
I felt like I lost something
Very dear to my heart
Seeing his remains
Going up in flames
Brought nothing
But tears into my eyes
Gone was the seed
Of the new regime’s innocence
Humility and sincerity
Would I find another one like him again
In the new Laos?
Life
What’s left is but
A memory cherished in our hearts
9.29.03 |
Dara Samut
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘Dara Samut’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
Dara Samut
Getting out of Wat That Phun ground
I passed by Dara Samut
The school I almost went there
Dad told me
There was no place left
So instead
I went to the public school at Thadeua
A break from the quality Catholic schools
I always attended
Long time I may be in Catholic school
Never for once I was a Catholic
But a follower of Buddha
Like my parents
And the long line of our ancestors
Like they say
Education is the ticket to a better future
A better life
But what goes deeper
Is what brought us here
The wisdom that imparts in us
And the strength that carries us on
Sad to say
Not a few of our best minds
Educated in the Christian tradition
Nourished by the western education
Came to belittle
What was theirs to start with
Wonder
If any of the Pathet Lao elite
Didn’t wet their lips with western education
Or Marxist to be exact
What afflicted Muang Lao
Would be but a bad dream
Once opening our eyes
All vanished into the thin air
With my eyes on the kids
Filing into that school
I hope
They wouldn’t repeat
What mistakes their parents
And grandparents had unintentionally gone through
9.29.03
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The post office
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘the post office’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
The post office
Seeing the post office again
I remember dropping by a lot
When dad was still there
The position he held
Was far less than he deserved
A head of a small office
Not even the department
His onetime subordinate at Xiengkhouang
Long resident in Vientiane
Now the head of the department
His superior
What a twist of fate
So when he left
The line of job
He was laboring for over 3 decades
With too many medals to count
I wasn’t sad
And so when he left the country
All the good life would be
Waiting for him in the U.S.
Less than a year
He took off for the foreign land
A land he never thought of
Spending the rest of his life there
He passed away
With his last word
Am I here yet?
Go get me something to eat
With my hands trembling
I broke down
Letting the tears flow down my cheeks
Never again will I see my dad
A man his whole life for his family
His work and his country
Looking at the post office again
I remember
At that very moment
With the telegram in my hand
I turned my back to the path I took
The path that took me away from my family
My happiness and my true being
Never again will I be half Lao
Half whole
This land just isn’t for me any more
If this is my fate to bury my face in other land
Let it me
9.30.03 |
Almost an officer
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘almost an officer’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
Almost an officer
My classmate
Or should I call my friend
Had a connection
With the military establishment
He said
If I wanted
He could have me joined the army
Maybe sent to study abroad
And come back with a star on my shoulder
At first thought
It was quite tempting
Being sent to study abroad
The thing I liked to do the most
Yes like a man about to be drowned
Anything to hang on
Was more precious than none
After all
Wasn’t the military establishment the pillar?
The backbone of the new regime?
Who knows?
I might one day be perching
On the balcony of Khai PhoneKheng
Looking down on the powerless many
Who in turn looking up with awe
Being at Khai PhonKheng again
On the way back from DongDok
Couldn’t help but
Awed at the path I might have trodden
An officer too soft to even hit a fly
A red too white to throw hatred on anybody
Must be suffocating inside indeed
Don’t know
If I would be gratified
Adding many stars to my shoulder
The way my friend now did
Slowly I looked away
From the power base of the new regime
Wonder
Will there ever a power base
Resting on people
Not just the rhetoric
So stale with time
With a flower picked at the roadside
I laid it down at the gate wall
And never to be seen again
9.30.03
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A place in history
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘a place in history’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
A place in history
Looking back
I was speechless
Seeing so many if not all
Young and old
Educated or KoKa blindness
Male or female
Well-to-do or wretched
Joining the Pathet Lao
Purely out of a good heart
For some
That was the only choice left
For not a few
That was the right thing to do
I myself was once on that path
So tempting
So life nourishing
Hardly do I know
We are not our own master
But a shadow puppet
To be pulled around
Who could tell for sure
What was the last thought
Of the thirty years veterans would be?
Would Chao Souphanouvong still opt
To go with the North Vietnamese?
What about the likes of the patrician Phoumi Vongvichit?
The stout General Singapore Sikhotchoulamany?
Or what about Loung Outama Chounlamany?
Whom I once met
A frail man anxious to confide
His inner thought
For the sake of history
They all gave their dues
To the country they dearly loved
In their own way of course
Who is to judge of their legacy?
No one but time itself
As the saying goes
Knowledge can be learnt
Skills can be acquired
But a sense of one’s ancestor in one’s heart
Is either you have or you don’t
If they do
Be thankful for their sacrifice
If not
I hope they know what the right thing to do is
After all said and done
It is not how far one climbs up to
In one’s lifetime
But it is how much one contributes
To the torch our ancestors have lit
And handed down to us
Muang Lao for Quon Lao
And nothing else!
9.15.03 |
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Vientiane - so much hope
Sabaydii,
Here is the continuation of a series ‘Coming home’ entitled ‘Vientiane – so much hope’
Hakphaang,
Kongkeo Saycocie
Vientiane - so much hope
As a person having one foot
Planted in other provinces
I came to see Vientiane from other perspectives
Different from those born and raised in the capital
Grand as Vientiane is
In the eyes of the provincials
Vientiane lacks something
Deep of a root
Enough to connect all the Lao hearts
Like Vientiane of the old
As it is said
Vientiane of the old
Held generations and generations of Lao hearts
No land ever did
Remember
The many generations of Quon Lao
Forced to leave the country
Were all longing to come back
For Vientiane was the center of Laoness
To them
Separating themselves from Vientiane
Amounted to the plucking away
Of KhuamPenLao from their Lao souls
Will Vientiane rise again?
And will they live to see her again?
If not
Will they see her
Through the eyes of their offspring?
This wish this longing
So well entrenched
So well carved
Nothing will do
But the blossoming of Vientiane
And the meeting of Lao hearts
Lao souls again
Couldn’t help to think
What happened to Vientiane lately?
First a creation of the French colonialism
Then an attempt to carry on the French legacy
Without regards to finding the heart of KhuamPenLao
When the new regime arrived
KhuamPenLao was but a lip service
With only a superficial bravado at display
What is Vientiane now?
After 175 years of destruction
After half a century of independence
And after a quarter of century of a new regime
Will say
It is like a siege city
Limping on
With no heart
Merely a will to survive
From day to day
A long cry from her glorious past
Vientiane
Ask yourself
Is this the role carved out
By the greatest of all Lao kings
Chao Saysetthathiraj?
Remember
The whole of Muang Lao is looking at you
For guidance assertiveness
And a vision grand enough
To navigate Muang Lao
Back to her grand olden days
I for one
Lao enough
To stand behind you
For Muang Lao needs you badly
And so do all Lao
Scattered around the globe
9.15.03
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